


Loving You

by Skyyynn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, Tsukki just has a lot of problems, Warning Triggers, depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-19 01:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11886912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyyynn/pseuds/Skyyynn
Summary: Tsukishima liked Kuroo. And he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want to be alone anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **repost**  
> I don't have a good title for this lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: 29/08/2018   
> I've edited some of the dialogue I found really cringy.

Don't fall for his smile. Don't fall for his laugh. Don't fall for his looks. Don't fall for his words. They're all lies. Nothing is true. They're all lying. Don't give in to them.

Kei took a peek over at the other courts and saw Kuroo talking to Kenma and the other Nekoma volleyball club members. He had a grin on his face and his laugh echoed through the gym, resonating in Kei's head.

They were in the middle of training camp and Kei could not help but let his mind drift off to a certain senior that irritated him to no end. No matter how irritating, Kei couldn't hate him. The feeling that caused his chest to tighten and his eyes to light up when they talk.

No. Kei had to constantly stop himself. They were both guys. Even if by some miracle Kuroo had liked him too, they were so far apart. They were 300 kilometres, at least three hours by train and a hundred dollars away from each other. Long distance is a killer for relationships. Even worse if the relationship hasn't even taken off yet.

Communication is key but Kei isn't the talkative sort. Or maybe he was and just hadn't met the right person yet.

Nope. He's not a talkative sort. Seeing Kuroo converse with his team mates and his own team mates made him feel so tired. He couldn't understand how much energy one person can have to tolerate so many people at once. His best friend, Yamaguchi, knew how much Kei did not like small talk. Usually filling their silences with random chatter, knowing that Kei would not reply for something small. It was fine. It was just their relationship.

However, seeing Kuroo be so happy laughing with his friends made Kei jealous. He is happy for Kuroo, it seemed like he was having fun but the thought of him being with someone else, someone else making him happy, instead of Kei, was torture.

Kei did not know this part of him. He had never imagined himself as the possessive sort. He had never been in a relationship either, the thought of love still new to him.

If this was love, Kei did not want to feel it again.

It hurts.

It isn't like the movies. It isn't like how anyone had described it to him. It wasn't butterflies in his stomach. It wasn't love at first sight. It wasn't romantic. It wasn't reciprocated.

It is the chest tightening sensation. It is brain wrecking thoughts. It is the want to have his all but can't. It is the need to feel him close but not being able to touch.

"Tsukki! Let's practice!" Kuroo had called over to him. Kei could see Hinata's jealous glance.

"I'll pass." Kei said as he walked away. He needed to get out. He needed to clear his head. Get the thoughts of Kuroo away before his whole life gets eaten up by him.

It was dinner time but Kei did not feel like eating. He wasn't hungry and went straight to the shared room. He took his futon out and lay there thinking. Sorting out all the thoughts, the memories, all into neat folders in his head. Once he was sure he had put everything back into place, he started drifting off to sleep.

All at once his thoughts were a mess again. He had started dreaming of Kuroo. His smiles. The way he talks. Even if he is a little cocky at times. The way his eyes gleamed when going for a spike.

What would it feel wrapped in those long arms. Kei has always been tall. Kuroo's almost as tall as him. But compared to Kei, Kuroo was more muscular, his shoulders were broader. His figure as a whole could swallow Kei up in an instant. The warmth enveloping him, Kuroo's lips lightly pressed against his skin. No matter where. His hand, check, nose, lips, neck. Kei wanted everything.

But it can't be his. Nothing was ever his. Nothing can be his.

He was always losing things. He never cared enough to fight for it back. Why should he? He learnt his lesson. No one ever stays. Nothing ever lasts. All he could do was watch it go away. Every. Single. Time.

He had enough.

The dream of love had become one of loss. It did not matter. Thanks to that, Kei had his mind back. It's not of Kuroo any longer.

Replacing the feeling of his chest tightening was replaced with the similar yet different feeling of his heart wrenching. His limbs tingled. He felt it all the way into his blood, being carried around his whole body. He wanted it to stop. The feeling is familiar, it has happened many times in the past. He did not know what that feeling was. All he could do was curl into himself. His breathing quickened and all he wanted was to stop. To shut down. He didn't want to think. He didn't want to feel. He didn't want anything.

Anyways, he didn't ask for this life. He was forcefully given his existence. It didn't have to be him. Why was it that he had to suffer just because his parents wanted to have another baby. Why did he have to be born. No body ever asked him if he wanted this. His answer is no. He would trade it for anything.

Kei looked at his hands, trembling slightly. He brought his hand down to his flat stomach, feeling the fading scars that had littered his body. He reminded himself that he couldn't fall down that hole again.

Hiding deeper under his covers, Kei pretended to sleep, trying to actually fall into his dreams. Dinner had long finished and everyone was spending their free time talking in the room. They were aware of Kei 'sleeping' and attempted to keep as quiet as possible. That is an achievement for some of them.

The next morning, Kei felt like a truck had run him over. After waking up from the dream, he did not fall back asleep until he swore he heard someone running outside.

He went to the bathroom to freshen up. Just his luck that Kuroo was there too, with Kenma, brushing their teeth. Kei ignored them and went into one of the cubicles. Only once he was certain that they were gone, he came out.

His stomach rumbled, angry at not being filled the previous night. He had a light breakfast and the teams had begun their training.

Karasuno had evolved. They were getting better. Slowly but surely. Another thing that was for sure, it was time to leave and go back to Sendai.

They all gathered on the bus, doing a headcount. Kei looked out of the window to see the neko captain and setter seeing them off. As well as the owls' captain and setter.

Without realising it, Kei had his eyes on Kuroo the whole time. Kuroo scanned the bus and his eyes locked with Kei's. Shocked, Kei looked away. He put his headphones on and blasted his music.

Thus it started the long trip back home. He was so tired, he ended up falling asleep until they reached Karasuno. Fortunately, it was a dreamless sleep.

Getting off the bus, the team thanked Coach Ukai and Takeda Sensei and trekked back home.

Kei's mind was reeling. The feel of Yamaguchi walking along side him didn't calm him down. In fact, it riled him up. This time, he couldn't think of the mindless chatter as anything but annoying. It took all he had to not blow up at Yamaguchi. It wasn't his fault anyways. It was Kei's. Everything. Always.

Yamaguchi parted ways at the intersection and he turned, walking back to his house. When he was at the front door, Kei heard shouting from inside the house.

"Just leave! Why did you come back here in the first place?" a woman's voice echoed. His neighbours could clearly hear it.

"I am! I'm just taking my things then we can be over for good!" A man's voice replied, in the same tone.

Kei didn't want to hear anymore. He turned away and ran. Ran to the only safe place he could think of.

It might seem childish, a 190cm giant, sitting on top of a children's playground. He would've crawled underneath to hide in the tunnel attached but he stopped being able to fit in there comfortably since elementary school.

"What am I doing?" Kei mumbled to himself. He decided he would seem less conspicuous if he just sat under a tree nearby.

He put on his music and let it soothe him.

~

It wasn't unusual for his parents to fight. They had been ever since he could remember. They were happy once. When he was younger, Akiteru would tell him stories of the adventures their parents would bring him on. Kei always wished he went on those too.

Something about illegal money borrowing and a lot of blackmail drove the family apart. They had grown bankrupt and now only earn enough for the basic necessities. Kei could remember the times when he was younger and his parents would fight, Akiteru holding him tight and letting Kei listen to his music while facing the screams of their parents.

Kei would've been touch starved if it weren't for Akiteru. But now, he surely was. His sleeping habits were never the best, his moods would have abnormal fluctuations. The only reason why he knew that term was when he was thirteen, he was messing around with google and decided to search the feelings he felt.

It wasn't as bad then. It escalated when Akiteru moved out when he turned 18, four years ago. Akiteru wanted to take Kei along, but Kei had insisted against it. Akiteru would have to work meet both his and Kei's needs and Kei felt that it was too much of a burden to carry.

Also he secretly wanted to drag his parents down, even if he goes down with them, but the only one suffering it seems was him. His father didn't care where they went, just as long as he had money and freedom to do as he pleased. His mother would be at her boyfriend's house most of the time. Rarely having time together, Kei was left with the empty house he called a home and spent his time studying.

His days passed by slowly, there was nothing in his mind. His mind blank. He became void of emotion, with no one to talk to, he receded back into his shell of a body. He spent more time in his room, he didn't bother finding food to eat to the point where he only ate at lunch during school.

One day, when he was all alone as per usual, something unusual happened. Someone knocked on the door. Kei went to open the door and he got pushed back. The air was knocked out from his chest. Skinny from malnutrition and sleep deprived from insomnia, Kei couldn't stop the men from entering and finding things to take from his house.

"They barely have anything. That guy's broke and we all know it. When is boss ever gonna cut him?" A man asked.

"Don't question it. Boss has his plans. And we always get money after so trust him"

The voices were muffled in Kei's head. He could barely register what was happening around him. They were taking things from the table, the cupboards. Anything they found of value. They were heading up the stairs to the bedrooms. Kei's room was wide open. They were putting things in. All of Kei's things. The things that he had painstakingly saved up for.

They reached for an object on his study table. "Hey. Look at this. I could give this to my little boy. He would love it." It was a T-rex. A toy T-rex. That Akiteru bought for him.

Kei shakily got up and went up to his room, "Give it back." His voice was soft but he tried sounding as menacing as possible. It had been too long since he used his voice.

The man holding the toy smirked and put the toy in his bag.

"I don't care about anything else. But give me back my dinosaurs." His heart ached. He couldn't let them take it away. They meant everything to him.

"No. I'm going to keep them. My little boy is going to love what his daddy got for him."

"They're mine!" Kei couldn't keep his cool any longer and he lunged at the man, hand reaching out for the bag.

The man swung and the force sent Kei back the sounds of ceramic and glass shattering could be heard from the bag at the impact. Kei flew out the door and down the stairs. he couldn't move anymore. That was it. Kei secretly wished that he could black out and not wake up. His dinosaurs. His. They're his. Now it's being taken away.

All he saw as his vision went back was the figures leaving his house, closing the door behind them.

When he awoke, his parents weren't home yet and the house was a mess. He got up and dusted himself off. He took a while, but finally got on his feet, stable enough to go to the bathroom to take a shower. After the shower, he went back to his room and slumped on his bed. His table was cleared, his school books all strewn on the floor.

His dinosaurs were gone. Akiteru was gone from his life. For how long more could he take it?

~

Kei opened his eyes. It was close to nightfall. He couldn't help but want to stay in the playground forever. This was the place where him and Yamaguchi first met. Yamaguchi was not too close to him at first, just followed him around. When they went to the same middle school, and they were in the same class, they slowly drifted together.

Yamaguchi did not know the extent of Kei's family situation, but he knew enough. Yamaguchi never pushed him to talk. They just stayed together in comfortable silence. Yamaguchi knew of his scars but he never pushed.

Soon, Yamaguchi's presence became natural to him. The only contact he had with other people, was when Yamaguchi accidentally brushed against him while they were walking.

With the exception of one day, where Kei fell, deep into his thoughts. Yamaguchi had led them to the cramped tunnel of the playground and had wrapped his arms around Kei. Just like Akiteru had. That thought made tears fall from Kei's eyes, finally, for the first time in a long while. Yamaguchi never spoke of that time again, and Kei was thankful for that. That moment of weakness wasn't him. It can't ever be him again.

Kei stood up and dusted the dirt off his pants. He headed home, hoping that he could finally rest. The dark circles around his eyes are becoming more defined by the day. Usually he would cover it with some foundation or concealer that his mother had bought. He had that habit ever since that time he first self-harmed. It wasn't a pleasant experienced like everyone else had said. It hurt. And he swore never to do it again. But he did. And every time he did, he made a new promise. Every time he broke that promise, he went a little further into his head.

This time. One last time for sure.

No.

He can't.

But is there a worth living anymore? If he was honest with himself, the only one keeping him alive right now is Kuroo. Even if the man himself did not know about it.

Crawling into his bed, Kei texted Yamaguchi.

to: Yamaguchi  
'Hey'

from: Yamaguchi  
'Evening Tsukki. How are you? ^.^"

to: Yamaguchi  
'Do you have Kuroo's number? or a way to get his number?'

from: Yamaguchi  
'Um I can help ask Kenma, I don't know if he'll reply or not. Why?'

to: Yamaguchi  
'Nothing. Just want to ask him about my blocks'

'message me straight away if you find out. Thanks.'

from: Yamaguchi  
'Okk. I'll ask now. Have a good night Tsukki'

Kei was going to end it. As soon as possible. He can't drag this out much longer. He just need to hear those words from Kuroo and he could be done.

~

School life returned as per normal and Yamaguchi had given him Kuroo's number the day after he asked. Kei just needed the right time to ask.

It was Saturday again and Kei knew he would be alone for the whole day again. It was usual. But today, he had a slightly different plan set up.

He went ahead and messaged Kuroo before he could back out.

to: Kuroo-san  
'Hey. This is Tsukishima.'

from: Kuroo-san  
'Yo yo yooo. What's going on four-eyes. It's rare for you to seek me out.'

to: Kuroo-san  
'Can I call you?' 

Kei wasn't thinking straight. Why was he asking for something like this? Dragging Kuroo into things might just complicate matters but Kei needed to hear it. From the person himself. Then maybe he could let himself go.

from: Kuroo-san  
'Go for it'

Kei pressed the call button.

Ring~

He realised his stomach was growling. When was the last time he ate?

Ring~

His head started to hurt. He could feel his heart beat in echoing in his head.

Ring~

His hand started sweating, the butterflies flooded into his stomach. He fidgeted with the penknife he had in his back pocket. His chest clenched tightly as if trying to say no.

"Hello" A voice came from the other side of the line. Oh that voice. That smooth deep voice. The one that echoed in Kei's dreams, the one that made Kei get goosebumps.

"Hey Kuroo-san. So... Um... I'm just going to go straight out and say it." 

When no reply came, Kei took a deep breath and continued.

"Kuroo-san, I don't know if I am correct or not, but I like you. More than a friend. I think of you so much, my chest hurts just saying it. I'm not good with words or anything so that's the best I can do."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Silence. Kei wished that the person on the other line at least breathed so he knew that Kuroo was still there. The silence was broken by a muffled cough from the other side.

"Um... Tsukki... I want you to know... I like you too."

"..."

More silence.

Wait.

What.

No.

Kuroo was supposed to reject him. He was supposed to get his heart broken. He was supposed to not have anything left to tie him to this world anymore. He was supposed to be dead by tomorrow.

"Why?" Kei strained his voice to ask. "You were supposed to reject me."

"Why do you want me to do that? And my crush just confessed to me of course I would tell them I like them too! What do you expect?" Kuroo was speaking a little too loud.

"No. My plans are ruined. You were supposed to say I was disgusting and you were supposed to be repulsed by me. You were supposed to tell me you hated me."

"Tsukki- wait no. Kei. Kei, what are you on about? We like each other, there's nothing better than this is there?"

Yes there is. Kei thought. Not being here. Not feeling like this. He needed a release. He needed it now. It didn't matter how. Kei hung up and ran to the bathroom.

He took out his penknife from the pocket he was keeping it in.

He bent over the sink and took one swift swipe. Red started pooling on his arm. He looked at the first cut he made. He felt the tingling go away slightly as the blood started dripping off his arm. He made more cuts. The tingling almost completely stopped and the sharp pain distracted his thoughts.

He had never cut his wrists before, it was always somewhere less visible. But at this point in time, he did not have the ability to think of where should the next cut go. He just slashed at random parts of his arm. Anything to make the tingling go away.

In the end, he did what he wanted to do. With or without Kuroo. He messed it up again. He broke his own promise. But it felt good. It wasn't like the first time. Or second time. This time, it was really really good. All the pain just washed away. Just like that.

Maybe it just took a while to get used to it. But he liked it. The feeling it gave him.

Just needed one more. One more. One more.

By the time he was done, he was in a daze. His eyes were glazed over. He lost track on how long he was in there for.

He was starting to get cold.

It's cold.

But it feels good.

Warm...

It's warm.

Too hot.

Someone's calling me.

Who is that?

Kei's eyes opened slowly, a small slit.

Kuroo.

It must be a dream. I'm drifting off again.

Kuroo.

Kuroo.

Kuroo, love you.

I love you so much.

Don't leave me.

I don't want to be alone again.

Love you.

My dinosaurs.

Where are they?

I see them over there but I can't reach.

Help.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo's point of view for what happened in the previous chapter.

Kuroo got distracted from his studying by his phone lighting up.

from: Unknown number  
'Hey. This is Tsukishima.'

Kuroo raised his eyebrows and added the number to his contacts.

to: Tsukki  
'Yo yo yooo. What going on four-eyes. It's rare for you to seek me out.'

from: Tsukki  
'Can I call you?'

Kuroo impatiently thumped his feet on the floor. He put his head on the table for a little rest as he had been studying for his college exams which is in a few months. 

Kuroo waited, not for long, for the call from Tsukishima. He answered it straight as it came.

"Hello" Kuroo greeted with uncertainty.

"Hey Kuroo-san. So... Um... I'm just going to go straight out and say it."

Kuroo was not paying much attention to Tsukishima's words, but his voice. It sounded so sad. Not like how it sounded during the training camp. It might just be the call quality.

Tsukishima must have gotten tired of the silence as he continued, "Kuroo-san, I don't know if I am correct or not, but I like you. More than a friend. I think of you so much, my chest hurts just saying it. I'm not good with words or anything so that's the best I can do."

Kuroo's heart tightened. Did he just hear correctly? Kuroo silently laughed to himself.

"Um... Tsukki... I want you to know... I like you too."

There. The confession was out there.

"Why?" Tsukishima's voice was forced. Kuroo could tell. "You were supposed to reject me."

Why did Tsukishima want to get rejected? Sure he didn't think he had a chance with an awesome third year from another school but to purposely want to get rejected?

"Why do you want me to do that? And my crush just confessed to me of course I would tell them I like them too! What do you expect?" Kuroo was speaking a little too loud, on the verge of shouting.

He has never felt as frustrated as he is now. Maybe Tsukishima didn't want a relationship. A relationship requires a lot of work afterall, and even more so when they were so far apart. But Kuroo was graduating soon. He could make the trips to visit, he could get into a university somewhere close. They could work it out.

"No. My plans are ruined. You were supposed to say I was disgusting and you were supposed to be repulsed by me. You were supposed to tell me you hated me."

How can Kuroo hate Tsukishima? Sure Tsukishima was an ass most of the time and his bluntness of his words targeting weakness in everyone. But behind those comments, Kuroo could see something more.

"Tsukki- wait no. Kei. Kei, what are you on about? We like each other, there's nothing better than this is there?"

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

The line got cut. Kuroo was in a mess. His mind was muddled. The first thing he thought of was that he needed to see Tsukki.

Kuroo looked at the time, if he left now, he could be at Tsukki's by 6pm. His stomach rumbled, he haven't eaten lunch yet but he'll get something along the way. Kuroo sent a message to Yamaguchi asking for Tsukishima's address.

He gave Yamaguchi some time as he busied himself with packing. He decided that whatever happened happens and he just trusted his instincts on it.

He had talked with Yamaguchi on some events and it was weird at first but Kuroo had been getting information about Tsukishima from him. An insider on the real Tsukishima, of sorts. Yamaguchi had told him that his crush on Tsukishima was super obvious, but so far, only Yamaguchi knew.

The ride to Sendai was torture. Sitting on his seat for about three hours, he was restless. He needed something to do. He fortunately brought along his laptop and some novels to read, though he couldn't concentrate much, insistently checking his phone for messages.

Finally, after two hours, Yamaguchi replied and in his head, Kuroo planned what he was going to do when he alighted the train. He went through many possible disasters, such as getting lost or Tsukki refusing to let him into the house.

Though, nothing to compare to the sight he was met with.

Not used to the surroundings, Kuroo had asked Yamaguchi to meet him at the train station and guide him to Tsukishima's house.

Yamaguchi brought him to Tsukishima's house and knocked the door. Kuroo took the opportunity to look around. Tsukishima's house is a two-story property, those stereotypical houses you see in anime. Compared to Kuroo's two-room apartment, which consisted of a living room with an attached kitchen and a bedroom, Tsukishima has it good.

However, the feel of the house is depressing. The flowers in the flowerbed is dead, and the grass is wilted. The fence surrounding the property was not properly maintained and rust and vines had already crept up the walls. This is the first time Kuroo is going to see Tsukishima outside of school events. He is excited, yet he is nervous. From how they left off their call earlier in the day, Kuroo could only imagine bad scenarios playing out.

The dream of being in a lovey-dovey relationship with Tsukishima was impossible to start with, with Tsukishima's personality and their distance away, but Kuroo had hoped that they could at least go on dates occasionally.

After a while of standing in front of the house, Yamaguchi got worried. Tsukishima was supposed to be alone like every other Saturday. At first Kuroo thought that Tsukishima had just taken a nap and did not hear the door bell, but Yamaguchi said that Tsukki rarely slept in the afternoons.

"When we came back from Tokyo after the camp, I was surprised that Tsukki actually fell asleep on the bus. He must have been stressing about something."

"Yeah. About that, Tsukki actually called me but he just hung up suddenly. I was worried so I came to Sendai. " Kuroo explained his unexpected visit.

Yamaguchi was shocked, Tsukishima rarely initiate calls on his own. He quickly went to the side of the house and got out the spare key hidden in the backyard.

"Quick. Find Tsukki." Yamaguchi said desperately.

Sensing the urgency in his voice, Kuroo went dashed into the house after Yamaguchi. Kuroo went to search upstairs while Yamaguchi was searching the first floor. Kuroo opening random doors in hopes of finding the boy in question.

Trying to open a door, he found it locked.

"Yamaguchi! What room is this?" Kuroo called down. He heard Yamaguchi run up the stairs.

"That's the bathroom." Yamaguchi had a sudden realisation. "Open the door! It doesn't matter if you break it!"

Kuroo tried to barge into the locked room but the door would not budge. Kuroo took a few steps back and ran straight at the door. Kuroo broke more of his shoulder than the door, and he realised that it was pointless to carry on.

"Is there a key somewhere? Or maybe a lock-picking kit, or a sledgehammer?"

"I'll try to see if they still have the keys to the doors." Yamaguchi ran into the master bedroom and came back about ten minutes later jiggling a bunch of keys. He fumbled around with the keys, trying each key to see which one fits.

Finally, a click signalled that the door unlocked. The sight brought them to their knees, speechless.

The bathroom tiles were stained red, a little brown at some parts. In the middle of the whole mess was Tsukishima. His back was resting against the wall and his hands on his lap, facing up. One of his hands loosely held a pen knife. Kuroo glanced at Tsukishima's wrists, mutilated and raw.

"C-call the ambulance!" Kuroo said snapping out of the trance. Kuroo made his way to Tsukishima, seeing his eyes flutter open a smidgen.

"Tsukki! Stay with me Tsukki." Kuroo called as he took a towel to stop the bleeding and wipe some blood off from around the wound. It seemed like a wasted effort as there were so many cuts and just getting around them seemed impossible.

It took a while, but the ambulance came and took Tsukishima away. They couldn't give him blood transfusion until they knew what blood type he was, which neither Kuroo nor Yamaguchi knew.

Even though they both wanted to follow Tsukishima to the hospital, they decided the best course of action was to find Tsukishima's health booklet and inform his parents of what had happened. Or that's what they said.

Yamaguchi did not want to tell Tsukishima's parents yet. Even though Tsukishima never told him, he knew that Tsukishima's relationship with his parents were strained.

"I can't believe it. I'm telling you, my heart stopped just then. Did you know something like this would happen?" Kuroo asked.

"Yeah. Somehow I had the feeling. I'll tell you more when we get to the hospital, we have to find the documents."

After finding what they needed, they headed to the hospital.

The wait was killer. All Kuroo wanted was to talk to Tsukishima.

"So, about Tsukki. I know he wouldn't want me to tell you, but if you really like him and want to be there for him, I think you should know. This is my view on things that I observed about him so it might not all be correct. Tsukki is a secretive person after all.

Let's start with when I met Tsukki. I was being bullied and Tsukki saved me. At first he didn't want me around though, but after getting into the same class in middle school, I just stuck to him.

I realised that Tsukki got sadder and sadder as time went on, during training one day, I saw some of his scars while he was changing. His stomach what little red lines going across it. It wasn't that deep and I didn't have enough confidence to confront Tsukki about it. It was relatively new and Tsukki winced every time he tried to raise his hands above his head. I could tell he really wanted to play volleyball too but he held back for a long time.

Whenever I saw Tsukki, I tried to peak at his stomach but his scars looked like they were healing.

Tsukki had said that his brother moved out when he was starting middle school, whenever I went over to his house, his parents would be away. He would eat very little during our breaks and would just drink water for the whole day. He grew thinner but I couldn't say anything.

I guess at the back of my mind, I knew what was happening but I didn't want to see it.

One day, I finally asked him about it. Having kept it secret from me for so long, I gave him time to tell me about it. He didn't say much, just when he started it and it wasn't my problem to deal with." Yamaguchi ended his talk with tears in his eyes.

"If I said something sooner, I would've been able to prevent this. He looked so dead. He had always looked dead. Maybe now he just wanted to follow physically."

Kuroo nodded and closed his eyes. It was a wonder if he stayed like that for a few hours or if he actually fell asleep, but when he opened his eyes, a nurse was telling them that Tsukishima was resting in one of the wards.

They both rushed to their feet and asked various questions about Tsukishima.

"Please calm down and I will tell you an overview of his current state and what we are going to do."

Yamaguchi and Kuroo took a step back and composed themselves. When they were both calm, the nurse continued.

"Tsukishima lost a lot of blood, after we knew his blood type, we gave him a blood transfusion. We stitched him up and gave him an anaesthetic for the pain. We are going to put him on suicide watch for three days or if until we find him fit. He would have to consult a therapist or a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis. Do any of you have a parent's contact?"

Yamaguchi gave the nurse the contact information and the nurse left, telling them they are free to go into the ward on the condition that they have to keep their noise level down to not disturb the patient.

Kuroo and Yamaguchi stood on opposite sides of the bed looking down on Tsukishima. Kuroo took Tsukishima's hand in his and prayed to whatever God there was out there that Tsukishima was fine.

They both stayed beside Tsukishima in silence. They had nothing to talk about. Only Tsukishima knows the full story and they did not want to assume. The regular beeping of the heart rate monitor signalling Tsukishima was breathing and he was all right.

"So... Kuroo, you like Tsukki?" Yamaguchi asked breaking the silence.

"Huh. Yeah. I guess now it's a pretty bad time huh." Kuroo gave an unsure laugh. "Actually, I told you Tsukki called me right? He actually confessed to me, but after I told him I liked him too, he was muttering something about how I was supposed to reject him. Like he was pretty insistent on it. I never thought this would happen."

"I have a feeling I know why he asked you to. He might have wanted to end it all today." Yamaguchi saddened at that thought. "I've seen him break down once, when we were younger, a few years ago. I knew he wasn't better, but I just left it as that. I trusted that Tsukki would tell me when he was ready. But he didn't and this happened. I feel like such an awful friend."

Yamaguchi sniffled, the silence in the room was unbearable. Even the beeping seemed to fade away into the background.

"After I told him I liked him, he was shocked, he hung up after that. I think that was when he- yeah. That means that was like at least three hours ago. God. I wish I could've got here sooner."

Kuroo tightened his hold on Tsukishima's hand, fearing that if he let go, Tsukishima would slip away again.

A buzz came from Yamaguchi, his mother had texted him asking him where he was. Yamaguchi called his mother and said he had to go home for dinner as his relatives are over. Yamaguchi did not really want to leave Tsukishima, but he couldn't defy his parents, and he doubt Tsukishima would want it circulated that he was in the hospital, even to his own parents.

"I'll take care of him. It's alright. He will understand."

Saying a small thanks, Yamaguchi took his things and left for home.

"Tsukki, please wake up soon. So I know you're okay." With nothing else to do, Kuroo dozed off.

~

Feeling the hand in his move slightly, Kuroo looked up at Tsukishima. His eyes opened in a small slit, not really focused on anything. Kuroo sat up straight and tried to get Tsukishima's attention.

"Tsukki. Tsukki." Kuroo said as he held the hand a little tighter.

"It hurts." Tsukishima's raw voice permeated through the ward. "Can I have some water?"

Kuroo let go of the hand and went to pour some water for him. He called in a nurse and let them do some tests before talking with Tsukishima again.

"Hey. Um... " Kuroo started, but he realised he had nothing to say. More like he didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." Tsukishima wanted to curl in on himself. He couldn't do it properly, now people were suffering because of him.

"Shh shh. It's alright. Don't apologise. Can you tell me what happened?" Tsukishima shook his head.

"Can I ask you some questions?" Tsukishima nodded.

Tsukishima's throat was sore, he didn't think he could stand talking too much. His arms hurt, he couldn't move them. His head was pounding but he knew that Kuroo was worried about him so he agreed to be interrogated.

"Yamaguchi was here too. He was the one that brought me to your house. He had some family dinner or something and he left a while ago. So... Tsukki, you know I love you right?" Kuroo went straight for it. Sure he was taking advantage of the situation when Tsukki's emotional state is unstable, but there wasn't a right time to tell him, just letting him know now is better than later.

Tsukishima paused for a while, surprised at the first question, "I do now."

"Did you mean to do what you did today?" Kuroo's voice was low and almost inaudible, emphasising his seriousness and concern.

Tsukishima shook his head. He didn't mean to do it, it just felt like he needed to. He broke his own promise again.

"Do you like me Tsukki?" Kuroo's tone changed expectantly, as if he was a whole different person. Tsukishima paused again. What was with the questions. He looked up at Kuroo to see him looking straight into Tsukishima's eyes. He wanted to hide. He averted his eyes and nodded his head.

"Ahhh~ I love you Tsukki. I love you so much. I hope you know that." Kuroo reinstated his point.

Yes Tsukishima knew. Why did Kuroo needed to say it again. Isn't it embarrassing?

"Well, I don't see a point pushing you when you're not ready to talk yet so let's just let it go for today okay? Relax a little bit."

After Kuroo said that, Tsukishima loosened his shoulders, not realising they had been tensed up the entire time.

Kuroo flashed Tsukishima his famous grin. Kuroo took Tsukishima's hand and kissed it lightly.

"I love you Tsukki."

Why did Tsukishima had to fall for this embarrassing idiot.

And how did that embarrassing idiot fall for him in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this before as a separate one-shot, but I'll try to make it in one work now... there are 2 main reasons why I did that  
> 1\. Idk how multi-chapter works work on AO3, and I tried once and I couldn't put the work as completed  
> 2\. I feel like I can write if I'm thinking of the chapters as their own works rather than updating a chapter. Weird but my mind is weird lolol


	3. Chapter 3

Loving someone hurts. Kuroo was now three hours away, their time together was short but they basked in each other's attention. Kuroo could only stay so long, having school and his parents were bugging him about his college applications, he left back home the next day.

Kuroo had gotten into the habit of constantly messaging Tsukishima to ask him how he was doing. Albeit irritating for the taller of the two, but there was no way Kuroo was going to leave him alone. They spend a lot of time on Skype as well, to the point where it didn't seem like Tsukishima was ever alone.

But he was.

The constant messages and calls didn't stop the bad thoughts from clouding his mind, though it made it easier to bear with it.

Kuroo didn't push Tsukishima to tell him anything, he instead talked to Tsukishima about meaningless things, such as what he was doing and how bored he was studying for his exams. Kenma was also a topic for their conversation, it was mainly Kuroo complaining how Kenma kept ignoring him.

Tsukishima was jealous. He liked Kuroo, but couldn't be there with him. Kenma was with Kuroo most of the time. He wouldn't be a talkative though, he probably would be doing what Kenma does and ignore him most of the time.

He isn't a good friend, much less a boyfriend. Tsukishima had a twisted view on romance. He hated the things shown in movies and books, and he's not the kind for dreaming of love. His parents didn't have a loving relationship, not that he could remember anymore at least.

It was constant fighting and cold shoulders. His mother would bring home guys, drunk and all, hearing moans coming from the room. He would see couples in the street, hand holding and kissing. They wouldn't last. No relationship last. He couldn't bear the thought of someone touching him. The thought itself disgusted him. Whenever his father would brush against him when walking down the halls, his mother's hand petting him on the head as she drags her feet to bed, all of those touches left his skin feeling dirty. He would rub the parts they touched hoping that the feeling would go away.

That was one of the reasons why he receded into his room. With no one else there, the only one he could trust was himself. Trusting himself was the hard part. How can he trust himself when he keeps breaking his promises.

to: Kuroo  
'Mum and dad came to see me today.'

from: Kuroo   
'And how did it go?'

to: Kuroo  
'Mum was worried. She asked me all sorts of questions. I got to meet her current boyfriend too, she had to go back to work so she rushed off. Her boyfriend is one of her co-workers. And dad, he said me being in the hospital was a waste of money and it wasn't even that serious. He probably won't want to keep me here any longer than needed to.'

from: Kuroo   
'That's a lot of words. You okay?'   
'You never write long messages.'   
'Your mum seems alright though. But your dad is an ass.'   
'But I'm happy. That you're opening up to me a little more. ^.^'

Tsukishima looked at the messages. Was he opening up to Kuroo? All he was doing was tell him what happened. Did he really not say much before?

Looking through past messages, it was mostly Kuroo doing the talking. Tsukishima couldn't help but clench his fists. Opening up to people. Does he deserve it though? What has he done? His accomplishments weren't anything special. He doesn't reach out to achieve anything either. Tsukishima was not a person who is worth the time, the effort, to get to know.

from: Kuroo  
'You okay? You're taking a while to reply.'   
'I'm going to go study, call me on Skype whenever you can. I love you.'

The words sent shivers down his spine. Kuroo loves him. Sure Kuroo says that a few times a day, but believing it was another thing. Tsukishima wants to believe it was true but if their relationship progressed, there is going to be a day where they'll part. They'll end up just like his parents. Fighting to fill their time together and going behind each other's backs.

from: Kuroo  
'Tsukki? Please answer.'

_Great. He's making Kuroo worry now._

to: Kuroo  
'I'm alright. Just thinking.'

from: Kuroo  
'Thinking about what?'

to: Kuroo   
'Stuff.'

from: Kuroo  
'Okay.'

to: Kuroo  
'Apparently I'm going to get discharged tomorrow.'

from: Kuroo  
'That's great! Will you be going back to school? And practice?'

to: Kuroo  
'Yes. There's no point in staying home anyways. But the doctor said not to... might open my stitches.'

from: Kuroo  
'Don't please. Take care of yourself.'   
'I'll visit you as soon as I can. I miss you so much.'   
'I wish I can hug you. And kiss you. Well only if you want me to.'

to: Kuroo   
'Good night Kuroo.'

from: Kuroo  
'Haha! Don't be so embarrassed Tsukki. <3'   
'Good night then. If you can't sleep I'll be here'   
'I'll put you to sleep ;)'

~

After three days in the hospital, Wednesday, Tsukishima was back in school.

He went for morning practice, just to observe. Even though he had a medical certificate excusing him from exercise for a while, he just went instinctively. He didn't want to let people see his bandages, he wore his black Karasuno School team jacket.

His team asked what had happened but he shrugged them off saying that he just caught a cold.

During lesson, he would be constantly checking his phone for messages, something that he picked up by staying in the hospital ward for the past three days. His replies were getting longer, his attitude towards Kuroo is less cold.

from: Kuroo  
'Tsukkiiii pay attention in claaass.'

to: Kuroo  
'I can't if you're texting me.'

from: Kuroo   
'But studying is booorrringgg'

Tsukishima did not bother replying after that.

What were they? What can you call them? Friends? Acquaintances? They were definitely not dating. Or were they? Kuroo haven't said anything about it. But what kind of normal friends spend a hundred dollars just to visit when they met a week ago?

Tsukishima supposed he had to ask Kuroo about it.

The day passed without problems, he headed home. He looked at his messages, Kuroo has not sent a single thing after the one in class. Tsukishima was starting to get worried. Maybe Kuroo lost interest in him because he can't hold a conversation properly. Maybe he was boring.

Kuroo is so cool. He is sure to get many girls falling head over heels for him. Honestly, a small cute girl would be better suited for him. Why did Kuroo choose him? Tsukishima was plain, he was boring. Tsukishima insulted him so many times, even though Tsukishima was the one with the faults. Tsukishima couldn't give Kuroo what he wanted. The touches, the words, the actions, he couldn't do it all. And Tsukishima drags himself down because of it.

Tsukishima didn't matter. He wasn't worth anything. No one should go through such troubles to just keep him there. He wanted to waste away.

Today was a bad day but not anything he hasn't went though before. He could make it through this day. It felt so much worse without Kuroo. In the three days, how dependant on Kuroo has he become?

He hated it.

The tingling came back, there wasn't a distraction now. Tsukishima curled in on himself on his bed, making himself as small as possible. He wrapped himself in his blanket, the warmth radiating around him. His tears were threatening to fall.

"KEI!" Tsukishima was shocked out of his cocoon as his door flew open. His brother stood there, panting like he just ran a mile.

Akiteru took went forward to hug Kei. Kei flinched at the contact. He tried to peel away until he heard Akiteru softly murmuring 'I'm sorry Kei' in his ear.

Even though the contact seemed to burn his skin, he just stayed there. He felt extremely uncomfortable. His skin was tingling, it felt unclean. As if there was sand sticking to his skin and being rubbed around.

Kei started breathing in small bursts, the oxygen didn't seem like enough. His eyes blurred and heat started pooling at it.

'Deep breaths. In. Out.' Kei mentally recited. He knew the drill. Having gone through this too many times to count with no one to actually help him out of it. He learnt this when he saw Kuroo during the training camp, Kenma had gone into a panic attack out of no where, luckily out of the way enough that no one would come by and disturb them. Just imagining Kuroo's voice saying those words to him would calm him down.

Akiteru finally let go and he wanted to be filled in on everything that happened. Akiteru was back. His brother was back. When will he leave again? Can he act like the spoilt child he wanted to be around his brother again? Can he be the Kei that his brother knew and loved? No. He can't. He changed too much. No one would want him anymore. After seeing his everything, who would even want him? He didn't want himself.

"When's your next break?" Akiteru asked letting himself fall back onto the floor. 

"Um... We have a long weekend next week."

"Great! Why don't you come to Tokyo to meet with me? I could show you my new place and where I work." Akiteru sounded so happy, it has been awhile since they had seen each other after all.

Kei nodded, he just wanted to be left alone right now. He spoke too much telling his brother what happened and he felt exhausted.

His brother continued talking about his life about in the city, filling Kei in on what he has been doing since he left four years ago. Four years without any contact with each other, so much has changed. Kei knew this firsthand.

Kei got so tired listening to Akiteru talk, he honestly didn't care one bit. His eyes slowly closed and he dozed off. The next thing he knew, he was waking up the next day. Akiteru's voice lulled him to a dreamless dream, better than the nightmare filled one.

He realised that his phone had no battery so he left his phone at home and went to school. He did not think much about it but he felt so empty throughout the day. Luckily, he had his old mp3 to listen to songs.

Kei hadn't felt so bored in his life. Going to practice just to watch. He tried playing volleyball, but his wounds hurt. He rolled up his sleeves and realised he had opened some of his wounds. He was bleeding through his bandages and fast. He shouldn't have tried playing but he missed the feeling of the ball in his hand. He might have just been a little careless.

He quickly re-wrap his bandages, deciding that if he can't play then he would just go home. Why did he go for practice again? He didn't like volleyball that much. It was just something fill up the time, to distract him. No matter what anybody said, he did not like volleyball.

~

Reaching home, Kei took a look at his phone. It was blowing up with messages and calls. All of them were from Kuroo.

They seemed normal at first, but as it progressed, it became more desperate.

from: Kuroo  
'Tsukki I'm borredd'   
'Kenma told me to suck it up and stop disturbing him T.T I have no one to talk to'  
'Tsuuukkiii'   
'Tsukki?'  
'Answer me please.'  
'Are you feeling alright?'   
'Tsukki please don't do anything rash.'   
'I love you.'   
'Please reply me.'   
'I'm going over.'   
'Please reply me soon.'   
'Tell me you're okay.'

There was twenty missed calls, all at different times of the day, once or twice yesterday, a few more times in the morning, and the calls blew up in the afternoon. Great. He made Kuroo worry again.

Kei quickly took his phone and called Kuroo. After the third ring, Kuroo picked up.

"Kei! Are you alright? I called you so many times I thought something bad happened to you?" Kuroo blurted out.

"I'm fine." Kuroo only called him Kei when he was trying to express a point.

"Where are you? Are you at home? Did you go to school today? Why didn't you reply me. I was so worried." Kuroo said hurriedly.

"I'm fine. I should ask you that question. Where are you? You said you were going to come here? I hope you didn't really mean it." Kei took a deep breath trying to calm his heart down.

"I'm about to reach Sendai. I took the earliest train I could. Ah. Wait let me pack my things. I should be reaching in a few minutes." There was shuffling at the other end of the line.

"I'll go to the train station to pick you up." Tsukishima offered.

"If you want to" Kuroo said in a sing-song tone, "We can go out for dinner on the way."

Tsukishima nodded, realising that Kuroo couldn't see him, he made a small noise of approval.

Kuroo was here to see Tsukishima again. Kuroo came just to check up on him. He was wasting his money on him. A high schooler who lived by himself didn't have much money, the most logical explanation was that Kuroo borrowed money from his friends or family to visit him.

Waiting at the train station, Kuroo saw a tall blonde bloke walking towards him. The bloke was wearing a black jacket, covering all the way to his fingertips, and jeans which fitted loosely on him. When Tsukishima reached Kuroo, Kuroo opened his arms and wrapped them around him. It felt nice. Not the suffocating kind of touch but it still tingled a little the longer Kuroo held on.

"So what do you want to eat for dinner?" Tsukishima asked pulling away, seeing that he knew Sendai better than Kuroo.

"I have the feels to eat ramen today. I've been craving it since yesterday." Kuroo laughed. Tsukishima looked around at their surroundings, he decided on a way to go and he led Kuroo to the restaurant.

They ate their respective bowls of ramen, Tsukishima barely able to finish his.

"You're too skinny. You got to eat more. Get your strength up to play volleyball."

"I'm sorry. I can't. It's too much."

"Tsukki have you been eating properly? I'm sure you're still skipping meals right? You got to remember to eat, even if you're not that hungry okay? I worry you're not getting enough nutrition. It doesn't have to be much, just regularly."

Tsukishima tried eating regularly, but he stopped trying after the first day. The more he ate, the more uncomfortable he felt.

"I'm fine Kuroo."

"Well you can't blame me for being worried." Kuroo said turning back to his food.

"How did you manage to come here so fast? Isn't the trip expensive?" Tsukishima asked.

"The price was okay. I borrowed some money from my parents. I'm also working part-time. I figured if we were going to continue this, I should at least get some money on hand so I can come here whenever you want me to."

"This? What is 'this' you're talking about?"

"This. What else can it be? We're dating right?" Tsukishima was confused.

Why did Kuroo want to go out with a guy like him? And why didn't he know about it. As one half of the relationship, he thought he should at least know about it.

"Dating? When did you ever ask me out?"

"Isn't this a date? I tell you I love you so many times, dating didn't come to your mind? Do you think I say that to everyone?" Kuroo was laughing. "Tsukki you're so cute."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are. Okay. I'm sorry. I should say it out clearly. Tsukki will you go out with me?" kuroo said when he finally stopped laughing.

Tsukishima folded his arms together and looked away, as if he was contemplating it. Kuroo knew what Tsukki's answer was, but he was just being a little tsundere.

"Yeah sure whatever."

If you squint, you could see a slight blush surfacing on Tsukishima's face.

Kuroo finished eating and they paid for their food. Tsukishima offered to pay since Kuroo came all this way to meet with him but Kuroo denied.

The walk back to Tsukishima's house was wrapped in silence that neither of them seem to want to break. They were both deep in their thoughts.

Tsukishima was thinking about his relationships and his skills in them. Or lack of. Kuroo on the other hand, was thinking of a completely different thing.

"Tsukki, can I call you Kei?" Kuroo said, finally breaking the silence.

Tsukishima blushed a darker shade of red as Kuroo linked their hands, "Do what you want."

"You can call me Tetsurou too. Or Tetsu. Whichever you feel like." Kuroo grinned and continued to walk with him, swinging their linked arms back and forth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any discrepancies in the story... don't mind HAHAHA I don't write when I'm in the right frame of mind :D usually like 3am in the mornings pffft


	4. Chapter 4

It's been a week since Kuroo's surprise visit to Sendai. All of Kuroo's visits so far were surprises and both was because he was worried about Kei. 

Kei never thought he would see a day where someone was worried about him again. He was sure Akiteru had forgotten about him, then he comes back and tries to be all friendly with him again. 

What if he left again? What would Kei do? What if Kuroo left him too? It should be second nature by now, people leaving him, hurting him. He was used to it. It doesn't matter. However short the time that Kuroo has been talking to him, Kei felt that he was important. Once, in a long while, he felt like he could amount to something. 

Sure Kei still had thoughts about how incapable he was, how ugly he was, how scarred he was, but Kuroo could reverse that thought with just a sentence. Kuroo was an important existence to him now. If Kuroo left, Kei didn't know if he could ever pick himself up again. 

"Kei! Let's go. The train is in an hour!" Akiteru called out from the front door. 

Kei took his bag and followed Akiteru out the door, into a taxi they had called. 

"Tokyo is a great place! I'm sure you will like it." 

Their trip was awkward, so to say. Kei did not know if Akiteru felt the tension in the air or not, but Akiteru kept talking, filling in the silence with his voice. If Kei was a little younger, he would feel comforted by his brother's voice, but now, Kei just felt cold. It was empty. The voice of the person who abandoned him. 

No. Kei couldn't think like that. Akiteru did not have a choice. He would have brought Kei along if he could've. Kei was young then, didn't understand the world and it's laws. He was older now, he knew the reasons why he was left alone. But that didn't stop the thoughts from coming to him. 

Akiteru never wanted him. He was a burden. There was nothing he could do. He was weak. Unlike Akiteru who was the perfect son, the smart one, the sporty one, the one with aspirations, the one with the means of achieving his dreams, Kei was just the mistake. Kei wasn't good looking, he wasn't good in sports, he wasn't smart, he wasn't motivated enough to try anything. Why would he try when he knew he was bound to fail? Doesn't that make his defeat even more crushing if he had tried his best? 

He has no dreams, no goals for the future. He was just going with the flow, waiting for his time to rot, the time when he finally descends to hell. 

"Kei, have you thought about what you wanted to do after high school?" Akiteru asked, "If you want to go to university, I'll be more than happy to sponsor you." 

"No... it's fine. I don't even know what I want to do yet." 

"Well if you think of something you want to do, just tell me okay?" 

"hn." 

Akiteru was just being nice. Why is Kei acting like this? He's so rude. He doesn't appreciate the things his brother does for him. It's not like college is cheap, but his brother is offering to pay. Kei doesn't want to burden his brother with a nobody like him. It's all just a waste of money. 

His hospital fees were expensive enough. Kei knew that Akiteru had actually paid at least half of the bills. His mother's boyfriend paid the rest. The medicine that were prescribed to him weren't cheap either and he would need an indefinite amount of it. 

Kei should go to work too. He was sixteen. He could legally work now. Technically he could have started working when he was fifteen but his grades had slipped when he started working for a manual labour company. He was forced to quit by his mother and his class adviser. 

"So Kei, I heard you've been spending a lot of time with this senior from Tokyo." Akiteru teased. 

"Who told you that?" 

"My sources are confidential." Akiteru said with a wink. 

 _Yamaguchi._ He is the only one who knew about his and Kuroo's relationship. 

"Why does that matter?" 

"Nothing. Just ... don't forget protection." Akiteru whispered, they  _were_ on a train after all, this type of talk is inappropriate.

"Akiteru!" Many heads turned to look over at the two of them, the cause of the disturbance. Kei ducked his head down, looking at his phone for a distraction. 

The ride went on, the conversation stopped and Akiteru soon fell asleep. Kei was texting Kuroo any chance he got, he dozed off a few times but was always jerked awake before he could fall into deep sleep. 

How did people fall asleep so easily? How did people stay asleep? 

Soon, the train ride ended and Akiteru was leading him all around telling him about the hot spots that he had to try out. Kei had been to Tokyo for training camps, but they did not do much sight seeing so this was new. 

They dropped off their things at Akiteru's apartment and set off on their adventure. It being almost nightfall, Akiteru brought Kei to a place for dinner. 

"How do you like it? How's the view?" They were sitting outside one of the family restaurants in front of the Tokyo Skytree. "We'll go up there later after we eat." 

"It's okay I guess. It's just a tower right?" Kei said, taking another bite of his food. 

"Well a country bumpkin should at least see the view from up there at least once right?" 

"Yeah sure." Kei said remembering his teammates back in Sendai, every tower they saw they thought it was the Tokyo Tower. Their stupidity is tremendous. 

"What's with that smile?" 

"Huh? I was smirking?" 

"Yeah. I haven't seen that smile since we were kids. I kind of missed it. It's a little different now but I'm glad I got to see it again." 

"Huhhh." 

"I'm sorry Kei. I don't know what it was like living in that house since then. I'm sure it's been hard. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you." 

"It doesn't matter anymore." 

Silence enveloped them and they just took to eating their dinner. The night passed awfully slowly. They went up to the observation deck to take some pictures. It was crowded, filled with couples on their dates, big groups of tourists, little kids, all making a huge ruckus. 

To be honest, Kei didn't feel that the Skytree was worth what they were paying to go up. It just seems like a tourist trap, everything was overpriced. 

Akiteru dragged Kei up and down the street and bought various things for him such as clothes, accessories and stationery. By the time they were done, it was already almost midnight. They went back to Akiteru's apartment and turned in for the night. 

It was another dreamless sleep, but Kei should be glad he could get any sleep at all. Akiteru's apartment was only a one bedroom flat so they had to sleep in the same room. Sleeping on the same bed, feeling the warmth radiating beside him, he wasn't used to it, but it wasn't totally uncomfortable. 

Kuroo had slept close to him before when he had visited, but Kuroo was afraid of going too fast so there was always distance between them. 

Kei wonders if sleeping next to his brother felt this nice, how would it feel next to Kuroo? His boyfriend's arms wrapped around his shoulders, his waist, the feeling of being loved. How would that feel like? Not that Akiteru didn't love him, but it was different.

Just having Akiteru beside him, felt really ... safe. That thought floated around his head as he slowly drifted off. Finally. 

~

Morning came and passed, the sun was at its peak, Kei finally woke up. He woke up to an empty apartment, even though it wasn't his own home, the atmosphere was the same. Cold. 

_Has he been abandoned again?_

Kei got out of bed, not fully awake yet but his mind was reeling. He was sure that Akiteru was there with him the whole night. He was sure that it would be different this time. His mind finding the worst scenario and playing it out in his head. 

Kei walked into the kitchen to see a plate of food prepared for him. Beside it was a note from Akiteru saying he needed to go back to work for an urgent meeting and he wouldn't be back until late at night. As he took a bite of the food, a text came in from Kuroo, the previous day had been so tiring that Kei did not reply Kuroo much, just here and there to let Kuroo know that he's fine. 

from Kuroo:  
'Keeeiii where are yoooou'  
'I misss yooooouuu'

to Kuroo:   
'Are you drunk or something?'

from Kuroo:   
'I'm always drunk tsukkiiii'  
'Drunk on yoou'

to Kuroo:   
'That was bad.'

from Kuroo:   
'I'm only bad when I'm talking to you.'  
'You're my kryptonite'

to Kuroo:   
'I know you're singing that song in your head. Stop.'

from Kuroo:   
'Aww tsukkiiiii'  
'No fuuun' 

to Kuroo:   
'I shouldn't suggest songs to you anymore. You just ruin them.' 

from Kuroo:   
'Hey! People say my singing is good.'

to Kuroo:   
'Yeah your mum.' 

from Kuroo:   
'That's mean Tsukki~'

A few more texts of random banter came and went. Kuroo was very persistent on finding out where Kei was, not replying to his texts the previous day and even when replying, he was really distant.  

Kuroo eventually found out that Kei was in Tokyo for the weekend and wanted to meet. Kei was tired. He didn't feel like going out, the previous day really took a toll on him. Kei slowly dozed off, going in and out of sleep. 

Some time in the middle of the afternoon, a knock sounded in the empty house. From where Kei was, it was soft enough until it just seemed like he imagined it. Ignoring it, he closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep. 

_It's nothing. It's just my imagination._

The knocking slowly became louder, Kei couldn't ignore them now. His body became rigid. He was safe here. Yet, it felt as if he was back in his past. Before his parents separated, the times when debt collectors would come knocking at his door demanding money. 

It happened more than he would like to admit. After the first few times, his mother would constantly remind him to not open doors, to keep quiet and not let them know he was inside. The house is empty, he would think, he isn't home. 

The constant reminders made him fear knocks on the door, made him want to be invisible. He was always alone through that, he learned not to ask for help. Asking for help meant acknowledging the fact that his father had done some illegal deals, fully knowing the costs. 

The knocks eventually toned down but Kei still didn't dare to move. He couldn't. He had to wait until he was sure no one was coming. 

Kei lost track on how long he had been lying there, just lying. He couldn't even fall back to sleep. He decided it was safe to get up and went into the kitchen to finish the food left out for him. 

from Kuroo:  
'Tsukki you there?'  
'You've been awfully quiet'  
'Keeeiii~' 

to Kuroo:   
'I'm fine. Just a little shook.'   
'Can I call you? I want to hear your voice.' 

from Kuroo:   
'Sure. Any time you're ready.' 

Kei hovered his finger over the call button. What was Kuroo doing? Did Kei disturb him? Is he going to disturb Kuroo? Kuroo is nice so he wouldn't say anything about it but I bet it bothers him. Kei was just being stupid and he had nothing to worry about. He was safe in his brother's house. Kuroo would say he's being immature. He was being lame. 

A buzz shocked him out of his thoughts. 

from Kuroo:   
'Kei? You there?' 

Kei shook the thoughts away and plucked up his courage and called Kuroo. 

"Morning beautiful." Kuroo's husky voice carried through the line. Kei had to admit, it was borderline sexy. 

"Did you just wake up Kuroo?" 

A low chuckle rang in his ears, "How did you know Tsukki? Are you a psychic?" 

"No. It's just really obvious your voice gives it away." 

"I see." Kuroo cleared his voice, pout clear in his tone, "I thought you wouldn't notice. I was trying to be sexy too." 

Kei smiled slightly, "Maybe it was just a little."

"So what brings you to call me today?" Kuroo enquired, sounding really interested in Kei's day. Usually Kuroo would be the one to call and Kei would be the one to end the call. 

"Nothing." 

"Did you miss me?" Kuroo said with an obvious smirk in his voice. 

"Hn." Hearing Kuroo's voice somehow made Kei's heart ache, his chest tightening. His limbs tingled. He could feel the tears threatening to fall. He was propped up on Akiteru's bed, leaning on the wall behind him. He sniffled and curled in on himself. He mumbled against his legs and made a weird noise. 

"What was that?" Kuroo laughed. 

"Nothing." 

If it wasn't obvious enough, Kei's voice broke when he tried replying, giving Kuroo a hint on what was going on with his boyfriend. 

"Kei. Tell me what happened. Please." Kuroo's voice went low and serious. 

"It's nothing. It's something stupid." 

"It's not stupid if you're crying Kei. Please tell me." Kuroo pleaded desperately. 

Kei sighed, thinking of what Yamaguchi had told him before. 

_In a relationship, there must be some kind of trust to tell each other what troubles that they have. If the other person can't handle it then he's not meant for you._

"Well. I'm at Akiteru's apartment and when I woke up there was knocking on the door. I don't know. I felt so scared, like I've gone back in time when I would be cowering in my room. I know I'm not a kid anymore and it shouldn't scare me but I can't help it." Kei's voice was unstable, his tears freely flowed from his eyes. 

"Kei keep calm. It's all over now right? You're fine now. Want me to come over?" Kuroo offered. 

"You don't know where I am." 

"You're at Akiteru's apartment right? It's a good thing he told me his address then." Rustling could be heard on Kuroo's end, the flipping of pages. 

"You're talking with my brother?" 

"Not that much. Just some updates on how you are. He really cares about you. He just didn't feel like he had the right to ask you personally since he left and all that. He's trying Kei. Really." The rustling stopped and a thump came through, followed by some cursing.  

"I know. And what happened?" Kei asked. 

"Nothing. Just stubbed my toe on my bed frame. It hurtssss! Tsukki save me!" Kuroo said as a flopped onto his bed. "Kiss is all better." 

"My face is not getting anywhere near your feet Kuroo. Disgusting." 

Kuroo cackled loudly, "That's the spirit! I'll be there in half an hour. I'll bring some dinner too. What do you feel like?" 

After discussing what they wanted, Kuroo hung up to get ready. Kei just sat on the bed, seemingly unmoving. 

As planned, Kuroo came half an hour later, bringing some onigiri and convenience store meals, greeting Kei with a kiss to the forehead. 

"It's not that healthy but it'll do for now." Kuroo placed it on the kitchen counter and padded to the sofa. He pat the space beside him for Kei to sit. 

As soon as Kei was sat down, Kuroo wrapped his arms around Kei's waist, bringing him closer, Kei facing him, sitting on his lap. Kuroo took Kei's hand in his and brought the hand to his lips twice, once on the back of the palm and once on his knuckles, not breaking eye contact. Kei slowly melted in the hold. Placing his hands on Kei's back to support him, Kuroo continued to place kisses on Kei. 

On his neck. On his ear. On the cheek. On his nose. Conveying Kuroo's feelings. His passion, respect, admiration, affection, longing. It was a way to clearly say  _'I'll be here for you'_. 

Lastly, a kiss to Kei's lips sealed the deal. 

"I missed you." Kei whispered, as they pulled back slightly. 

Kuroo tightened his hold on Kei, bringing him forward. Kei rested his forehead on Kuroo's, both looking deeply into each other's eyes. 

"I love you too, Kei." 

 

 

"Kei! I'm home. Sorry I was out so long!" 

When no reply came, Akiteru looked into the living room to see Kei in Kuroo's arms fast asleep. Kuroo constantly rubbing circles on Kei's back. Opening his eyes slightly, Kuroo looked at Akiteru and brought his finger to his lips telling him not to be so loud. 

Kuroo gave a small smile looking down at Kei, giving him a peck on his forehead before closing his eyes to rest again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited, I just wanted it up by Tsukki's birthday xD Tsukki's birthday chapter was already done :P  
> going up right after this


	5. Happy birthday Kei!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BIRTHDAY FIC CAUSE I CAN!

What was so great about birthdays? It was just another day, why do people have to make such a big fuss about it? Big celebrations and special gifts, what's the point in those? 

When Kei was younger, he used to love his birthday. Akiteru would always play with him for the whole day and his parents would get him a small cake to celebrate. Slowly, those things came to a stop. 

The years go by one by one. Days passing by one after the other. People growing older minute by minute, every second that passes. The spark of growing older stops being fun when life hits, for some people harder than others. 

Happiness is an illusion created by humans. It's a useless feeling. Feelings themselves are useless. What's there to be sad about? What's there to be scared about? What's there to be angry about? But that is what makes humans human. 

Ten year old Kei would still try his best to enjoy a day out with his brother at least on his birthday. His parents couldn't stand being in the same room as each other anymore, they started having financial problems. They begun not being able to afford luxuries that seemed so normal for them before. At least his brother remembered his love of strawberry shortcake. 

When their family fell apart, every day was the same. No matter what day it was, Kei did the same thing over and over again. He met Yamaguchi and his school life changed little by little but life outside of school was still the same. After reaching home, go to his room and shut himself in until someone needed him. Which was a rare occurrence. 

Just a few days in his time from the age of eleven to sixteen, things went differently. This was one of those days. 

~ 

"Kei! Let's go and play!" 17-year old Akiteru pulled Kei out of his room. Honestly, Kei wondered how Akiteru was six years older than him with the way he acted. 

Kei and Akiteru almost made it out the door when they heard a crash coming from the living room. Akiteru cursed under his breath and tried to shuffle Kei away but Kei insisted on finding out what happened. 

They stood at the entrance of the living room, looking over the scene that was unfolding in front of them. Some of the ornaments in the living room was smashed onto the ground. They both stood there staring, both didn't have the courage to move in case they get the end of their mother's wrath. 

Their mother, who took leave from work as she was running a slight fever, standing facing their father, who was leaned back on the sofa watching television as usual. Their mother had one hand on her hip and one hand pointing to their father. 

"This is what you do all day when I'm at work? I work my ass off to make a living for us and this is what you do?" Their mother screamed. 

"It's fine isn't it? I'll go do some work later." Their father replied nonchalantly. 

"I'm here on my day off and I'm sick. The costs of the medicine wasn't cheap but at least I have a stable job to pay for it. What are you doing? You don't have a stable job, and you sit on your ass for half the day drinking whatever drinks you can get on your hands and eating the food I made for our children?" Their mother was at her wits end, you could tell she wanted to hit him, or smash everything in the house. 

"I said I'll go later. There's still time. What's your hurry?" Their father took out a cigarette from it's packet and lit it. 

"Do you think we're rich? You can think that all you want just as long as you have money to pay the bills this month okay? I'm not going to give you a cent." 

"Fine I'll handle it. It's been fine so far hasn't it?" Their father was taking things too lightly. They had their electricity bills, water bills, phone bills, cable bills. Not to mention allowance for Kei and Akiteru. 

Akiteru could handle not being given allowance since he has a part time job but Kei was still young. He couldn't legally get a job yet. 

Their mother stomped away muttering to herself about all the housework that she still has to do and if she did not do it, the house is going to stay a pigsty. The only places she didn't have to clean was Kei's and Akiteru's rooms. They are already more responsible than their father. 

Akiteru turned Kei around and led him out of the house. 

"I'm sorry Kei. I tried to leave before it happened but I was too late." Akiteru apologised when they reached the playground. They both crawled under the playground into the tunnel. Well, Akiteru had his body sticking out the sides. 

Kei shook his head. It wasn't Akiteru's fault. He was the one who wanted to check up on things. 

"Are mum and dad okay? I don't like it when they shout." Kei said as he curled in on himself, using his hands to cover his ears. 

"Yeah they're fine bud. Just a little stressed. They'll go back to normal tomorrow." 

Kei nodded and leaned onto Akiteru. Kei wanted to cry, but he held it in. He hated shouting. Hearing people shout always made him really scared, like he did something wrong. 

Akiteru held Kei tightly in his arms. Even if the position was a little awkward since he couldn't fit into the small tunnel made for kids. 

Things weren't fine. Kei would find out eventually but Akiteru wanted to protect Kei for as long as he could. 

For the next month, their mother refused to do anything for their father. She still gave Kei allowance whenever their father had no money to spare, she still cooked breakfast and dinner for them minus their father. She did their laundry and also took some time off for herself to relax, something she doesn't do often. She locked her bedroom door so their father couldn't sleep with her and was forced to sleep on the couch. 

Soon, the date when payment was due came and went, they had no idea if their father had enough money to pay. Their electricity went off, their water supply dwindled. Everything was shut off. 

Kei and Akiteru used candles and a handheld fan at night, luckily the hot days have yet to begin. 

Their father couldn't take it and had begged their mother to help pay the bills. She made him beg for two days and she finally gave in, feeling sorry for her sons to be caught up in their fight. 

Their father reverted back to his old habits the next day. Kei thinks that their mother had totally given up by then and had divorce already on her mind.

~

"Hey Kei. How are you? Are you free on September 27?" Kuroo's voice was loud and as obnoxious as ever. 

"I'm fine. I'm free. Why are you asking?" 

"Oh no reason. I just have a day off from school and I didn't take an extra shift at work, I thought we could meet up and just hang out?" 

"Sure I don't mind." Kei replied indifferently. Kuroo wondered if Kei was having a bad day. Usually if Kei was feeling good, he would indulge Kuroo in his conversations... Well more than usual. 

"I was actually thinking of going to the zoo with Bokuto and Akaashi... Won't you come too?" 

"Whatever." 

"And also there's a dinosaur event too. You'd like that right?" 

"Hm." Kei was definitely interested in it now. 

"Okay. I'll text you the details. I have to go. Class is going to start soon. I love you yeah?" 

"Yeah. Love you too." Kei blushed at his own words. It was one thing hearing Kuroo say it, but saying it himself. He should be used to it, but he isn't. 

Kei put down his phone. It has been months since their first and only date. Kuroo went back home, got an earful from his parents and teachers and everybody else that knew him, studied for his entrance exams, got accepted in a college an hour away from Kei. The college school year just started and kuroo was getting used to his lessons. 

Surprisingly, Kuroo chose a literature course. He is going to major in English and he even had published a few novels during high school. Unknowingly, Kei had bought two of his works before he knew about it. 

Kuroo called it fate. Not knowing that it was him but still drawn to it. Kei called him stupid for that nonsensical thought. 

~ 

The 27 September came around. Kuroo and Kei agreed to meet in front of the train station and they would walk to the zoo together. 

Kei took about an hour to choose what clothes to wear for it. It was their second official date and he wanted to look nice. He looked into the mirror, wearing the forth outfit he tried on. He used to not care at all about how he looked but something made him want to try harder. Maybe it's the subconscious thought that Kuroo might think that Kei wasn't good enough for him. That Kuroo would leave him. 

Kuroo on the other hand, he chose his clothes reasonably fast. What he was worried about was the present he bought for Kei and the schedule he had in his mind. They were going to the museum, stay for a few hours, he had to take pictures of the exhibits, and they were going to a cafe for dinner. Kuroo would present present after. Kuroo's mind filled with thoughts of how Kei would like his present. 

After all their worrying which made Kei early by half an hour and Kuroo late by fifteen minutes, their double date begun. The entire time while waiting for Kuroo, Bokuto was complaining and Akaashi had to deal with his boyfriend's ranting on and on about how Kuroo was always late even though he was the one who planned everything. 

"Let's go!" Kuroo shouted, grabbing Kei's hand and leading him to the direction of the zoo. They bought their tickets and took a map of the place. 

"Hey hey hey! Akaashi! It's a T-rex! It's so big!" Bokuto shouted and ran towards the display. He started trying to climb the dinosaur. 

Akaashi face-palmed and turned away from the child that was Bokuto. "I think you guys should go ahead without us. I doubt the idiot would give up climbing that. Unless someone scolds him or something." 

Kei nodded and continued on walking on the trail, Kuroo not far behind him. Kuroo took the lead and brought Kei around looking at the different animals and dinosaur exhibits. 

Kuroo loved seeing Kei's facial expressions when he thought no one was watching, when Kei totally let go of his mask. Kei caught him staring a few times and turned away flushing. Kei really looked beautiful today, Kuroo thought. How long did Kei get ready? He looked perfect. The sun hit Kei's hair and reflected the light, Kei looked like an angel. 

Kuroo had been staring for a while. Kei suddenly felt really exposed. He felt uncomfortable. Did Kuroo finally realise how ugly he was? Had his scars become visible? Kei thought he hid it well. Isn't surprising that Kei failed at that too. He was never good enough. 

"Can you stop staring at me already?" Kei didn't mean to sound rude or mean but he did. 

"Ah... Sorry Tsukki." Kuroo looked away sheepishly. 

From Kei's point of view, he had messed up big time. Kuroo stopped looking his way. Kei had done it now. He made Kuroo not want to look at him. Why did he always mess everything up? It was getting hard to breathe over the thoughts. Kei carried on, wearing the mask he was so used to. 

The sky was grey, its' tears threatening to fall at any moment. 

Kuroo stopped walking beside Kei and started walking slightly in front of him, walking his own way, Kei just mindlessly following. 

The sound of soft rumbling broke through the crowd. Kei tensed up. He needed to go. Anywhere but here. The sounds were getting louder. The crowd around him seemed to eat at his personal space, getting closer than necessary. Kei seemed to be pushed further and further away from his lifeline. Kuroo was getting further. He didn't like it. He wanted everybody to disappear. He wanted to be alone. He wanted Kuroo. 

"K-Kuroo." Kei whispered, reaching his hand out to try and grab and Kuroo's sleeve, when a particularly loud crash made him freeze. He could hear a scream in the distance. He saw a little girl covering her ears, scared of the thunder. Somehow, even though the girl was right there, it sounded like it was miles away. 

Help. Kuroo. 

Everybody had all escaped to nearby shelters but Kei was still rooted to the spot. His chest clenched, his hands tingled, his stomach felt like butterflies trying to escape. 

Boom!

The next strike caused Kei to curl in on himself. He squat where he stood, hands over his ears. The crowd's talk still loud in his ears, yet everything was muffled. 

Kei felt a hand touch his shoulders and he physically recoiled, not processing anything other than the burning sensation where he was touched. He rubbed at it furiously, trying to get the feeling off. 

When his eyes finally focused on the figure in front of him, Kei was upset with himself. Kuroo looked so hurt. It was his fault. 

"I'm sorry. Don't leave me. Please." Kei whispered, not knowing if Kuroo had heard him or not. The surroundings seemed quiet. 

Finally getting the courage to look around, everybody was staring at him. He had caused a huge scene. 

It was supposed to be a fun day out. Why did he have to ruin things? This was what he was good at after all. Ruining things. 

He was acting so spoilt too. Begging Kuroo not to leave, when he knew that all Kuroo wanted to do was leave. 

"Bokuto-san, help carry Tsukishima's things please." he vaguely heard Akaashi's voice. 

Kuroo came closer to Kei, "Kei, I'm going to touch you okay? If you feel uncomfortable, tell me straight away alright?" 

After Kei somehow managed a nod, Kuroo slowly crept closer. Kuroo brought Kei's arms up onto his shoulders and embraced him. 

"It's alright now. I'm here. Don't worry about it. Just listen to my voice. There's nothing to be afraid of. Not anymore." Kuroo whispered into his ear. 

After Kei's trembling stopped, Kuroo picked him up gently. 

Since it began to rain, there was really no point in staying in the zoo. Kuroo and Kei parted ways with Bokuto and Akaashi and headed back to Kei's house. 

"I'm sorry I ruined the day for you." Kei started to say once they were in the taxi. 

"No, I'm sorry for not noticing how uncomfortable you felt. You did nothing wrong. Anyways, the rain would've ruined our day anyways." Kuroo put his hand on top of Kei's, squeezing to reassure him. 

Kuroo lifted Kei's hand and lightly placed kisses on the back of Kei's hand. "I swear Kei. If anything is wrong, just tell me. Don't bottle everything up. I'm here now. You're not alone anymore." 

With that, tears started pouring out of his eyes. "I'm sorry Kuroo. I'm sorry. I can't take thunderstorms, or any loud noises. It reminds me of the times when I had to go through the storm alone. Not to mention when I got attacked. I don't like thunder, they scare me so much. No one ever stayed with me or told me it was okay. I know fearing thunder is meaningless but I can't stop. It just reminds me of the days my parents fight. Their explosive voices echoing through the house. I'm always alone though that, no one was there to tell me that they were fine. I knew they weren't. 

I don't like how you stare at me. How you look like you're looking at every imperfection on my body. I don't like how ugly I am. I don't like how I can't ever say what I mean to say, how I always sound rude. I hate how I'm taking advantage of your kindness. I hate how I can't believe that you love someone as useless as I am. No matter how many times you tell me, I can't help the thought that you're only using me, that you'll abandon me someday. I'm sorry for being so reliant on you. I'm sorry for being broken. Sorry for trying. Sorry for being who I am." 

Kuroo shushed Kei. "You're beautiful Kei. The way you speak, your mannerisms are all you. And I love every part of it. Who do you think I fell in love with? I didn't like you because of any superficial reasons, I love you cause you're you. Every scar on your body, the reason I don't like it is cause of the pain you went through, not because it's ugly. But I love it, because it shows how you survived through it all. Even though you were suffering so much, you survived. All alone. But now I'm here for you. You don't have to be alone again. You don't have to hurt so much anymore." 

After a while, the tears stopped and Kei calmed down. Reaching Kei's house, they headed up to his room. 

It was just starting to get dark, Kei might not be up to going out for dinner. 

"Kei what do you want to eat for dinner? I'll make something simple." 

"Anything." 

"I'll head to the supermarket for a bit to get ingredients okay? You just rest okay?" Kei nodded, lazy to move from his place, faced down on the couch. 

Kuroo went out to the nearest supermarket buying some ingredients and dessert. He might have taken too long, an hour has passed since he left. He was worried about Kei. The sky seemed dark. It might rain here too soon. 

Kuroo hurriedly ran back to Kei's house with the groceries. 

"I'm back Kei! I'm just going to make some omurice okay?" Kuroo put down the groceries onto the kitchen table and went to find Kei. Kuroo found him asleep on the couch, his boy face down and his head turned to one side. Kuroo gently moved Kei so he was face up with his head propped up on a pillow. 

By the time Kei woke up, Kuroo had finished cooking dinner and had settled himself on the couch with Kei's head resting on his lap. 

"Morning sleepy head." Kuroo bent down and kissed Kei on his forehead. "Come on, dinner is getting cold." 

Kuroo helped Kei get up, taking their time, just enjoying each other's company. Kuroo left the kitchen to take something while Kei finished his dinner. Coming back from wherever he went, Kuroo switched off the lights and came in, in his hands was a cake with one lit candle on it. 

"Kei. It's almost over, but happy birthday." Kuroo said with a smile. "Make a wish before the wax melts onto the cake." 

Kei closed his eyes and took a breath. The fire was gone in a flash and Kuroo had went to switch the light back on. 

"Here." Kuroo said as he handed Kei a paper bag. 

Looking into its contents, Kei found a stuffed toy of a dinosaur, probably purchased when they went to the zoo that morning. "I bet you don't even know what this dinosaur is right?" Kei said sarcastically. 

"Yep. It just looked cool so I bought it." 

"Deinonychus." 

"What? Dy-in-" Kuroo tried a few times, but failed at pronouncing the name of the dinosaur. "Why not just call it Steve? Isn't it easier for people to say?" 

Kuroo chuckled at his own joke. 

"Di-no-ni-cus." Kei looked at it, it was a small toy that could fit in his hand. It was covered in a soft pelt and feathers. Kei couldn't describe it, but all he could say was that it is cute. 

"I'll name it Kuroo." Kei said with a straight face. 

"Ehhh. Why?" 

"Cause Kuroo bought it for me." 

"Couldn't you come up with a more original name? How would I know if you're calling me or the toy?" Kuroo pouted. 

"I'll just have to call you Tetsu then won't I?" Kei said, his cheeks flushed. 

"Kei!" Kuroo shouted as he dove into Kei, wrapping his arms around Kei's waist, giving him a big bear hug. 

"Kuroo it hurts." 

"It's Tetsu remember?" Kuroo looked up at Kei, their eyes locking. Kuroo's sparkled with anticipation as he waited for Kei to speak. 

"T-Tetsu-rou-san please get off of me." Kei broke their eye contact and looked away, everywhere else but on Kuroo. 

Kuroo giggled, "Well close enough." 

Kuroo let go of Kei just to bring his hand up to Kei's face. He straightened his back from his previous position, one arm still wrapped around Kei's slender frame. His free hand went under Kei's chin and held it in place while Kuroo brought his lips to meet Kei's. 

Kuroo pulled back a little and whispered, "Happy birthday."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This marks the end of this fic. I felt that my writing degraded as it went on but hopefully you guys have fun reading. I tried making it as fluffy as I could but that's the best I can do.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think of this. Some dialogue is a little cringy and weird I know but oh well.
> 
> Also, I realised my writing is so local hahaha


End file.
